Rants and raves of a great and soon-to-be famous author
Please don't think that it's a slow blog day and I have nothing to write about; but I took this picture of my cat, Ojee, today and I just had to share it with everyone. The Roomie says that Ojee is not really a cat, but a creature from outer space. If you ever get the chance to meet him, you'll know he's definitely a cool and remarkable creature, and the mellowest pet I've ever known.
Being in the twelve-step rooms, I hear lots of different stories about people’s families, often involving abuse and neglect. Gay men, especially, are often estranged from their families, doubly so when addiction is involved.
I’ve read three Robert Charles Wilson books before Blind Lake, Darwinia, The Chronoliths and Bios, and while all three books intrigued me, I had certain problems with each and every one of them. For instance, Wilson begins to introduce us to the entire rationale of Darwinia halfway through the book and finally we understand that nothing we’ve understood made the least bit of sense. Chronoliths and Bios both left me rather cold as well.
Wilson departs from strenuously bizarre premises in Blind Lake, and I finally found a book like his that I could say I enjoyed through and through. Short of a few editing problems within, and a character on the book back cover that doesn’t exist within the novel, Blind Lake is a wonderful and imaginative journey in the near future.
Central to the book are Chris, the author of a widely read and devastatingly unauthorized biography leading to the apparent suicide of its subject, Marguerite, the chief observer and exozoologist and watcher of a distant, alien, specimen, Tess, her odd 10-year old daughter that suffers from hallucinations and Asperger’s Syndrome, and Tess’s estranged father, Ray, who is the default head of the Blind Lake instillation.
Early on in the novel, Blind Lake becomes quarantined from the outside, with nobody knowing what is taking place, so the novel takes place in sort of a limited setting. The entire installation is following the passage of this one alien creature, using a novel and not-yet-understood self-replicating computer technology known as O/BECs.
Unlike Wilson’s prior work, he maintains a consistent story throughout, with a slightly surprising but not strenuously outlandish explanation for the quarantine and the discovery of new life. Everything is plausible and fits in with the time period.
I enjoyed Blind Lake and finished most of it during my Thanksgiving trip to my mother’s. And sadly, I have no more books to read!
This book can be found here: Blind Lake
There's a tee-shirt that I've seen made in South Broward members of my twelve-step fellowship that reads on the back, "Grateful I'm Not Dead." Although may sound on initial thought a rather harsh sentiment; for someone who's had HIV for the past 16 years and spent at least 10 of those years drinking and drugging or otherwise not taking care of myself, it has a remarkably poignant message.
It also carries with it the idea that there is some other reason I'm still here on this mortal coil while so many others have passed on, why I've been granted further opportunity to breathe, write, eat, laugh, cry, and share another holiday with people that I love—that some Power greater than myself has made it all possible.
I'm grateful for the gifts my Higher Power has given me, the ability to use my language effectively and write stories, essays, anything I need, the ability to create graphic designs, and to program in several different programming languages. I'm grateful for the ability to read and understand HTML, XML, CSS, or any other markup language I set my mind to.
I don't mention my sponsor, F.P., enough on these ramblings, but the shirt is a favorite of him to mention when discussing the issue of gratitude. I'm grateful to have someone who has managed to stay clean (and sober, for those that feel the need to differentiate) for 14 years in my life, who cares about me enough to put up with my lack of telephone calls, my isolation, my moodiness and all those other idiosyncracies that make up this Planet Cary.
I'm grateful for anyone that loves me that much—especially those that are willing to live with me. The Roomie points out often enough that he loves me; not in that "I love you and can't live without you," kind of way but a stronger, more friendly love. He's my best friend, and I'm happy to say that he is mine.
I'm grateful for the ability to love someone enough to put up with a big arrest and lengthy prison sentence. I'm grateful for the strength and courage to manage a house and animals, that sometimes takes every ounce of conviction I have to do it. I'm grateful for Michael Hanelt and having spent some good years together, even if the last few before his bust by the Feds were marred with fear, anger, and drug abuse. I'm grateful he survived the drugs and the darkness and is still in my life.
I'm grateful for the best dog in the world, who I miss even if I'm gone from the house a single day, who keeps my legs warm every morning by being curled behind my knees while I sleep on my side.
I'm grateful for my family with whom I'm lucky enough to be spending today, even if it is in the middle of an overwhelmingly Red state. I'm grateful for the next generation and the opportunity to watch them grow and develop intellect and personalities all their own. I'm grateful for each opportunity I have to spend with my aging grandmother.
I'm grateful for my guardian angel, Barry, who let me know in no uncertain terms this past Tuesday that he's watching over me.
Above all, I'm grateful for this day and my ability to communicate to G-d, and for every time G-d rescued me, even when I didn't ask. I'm grateful for each prayer that I think to send, for each one answered.
I'm grateful to be me, the only one I know how to be.
Every one of my siblings is going to be at my mother’s tomorrow for the holiday: Susan, Jody, Chris and even Brendan, my brother from my father’s (not my mother’s) second coupling. Therefore, despite the fact that I took a trip up to South Carolina for my high school reunion just last month, the only opportunity to see my brothers, Jody and Brendan, as well as my cousin Jackie, who decided to join in this year, would be to drive back.
This group is going to include Susan’s kids, Heather, Nicholas and Jack, hubby Dennis, Jody’s wife Diana, and Christopher’s little conglomerate, Helen, Jacob and baby Molly. Don’t know yet of Jacqueline is bringing spouse or children, but I guess we’ll find out when we get there. Brendan, at 23, hasn’t yet found wedded bliss. Also included will be my stepfather of 15 or so years, Doug. I am also not sure whether his daughter, Becky and her husband, Tracy and their children, Brandon (not to be confused with Brendan) and Megan.
The day has started off to a great start. My phone alarm went off at 7:00 am and I showered and drove down the street to the Tires Plus, just west of Commercial Boulevard and Prospect Road, for an oil, fluid and filter change and maintenance check. I walked away with a front-wheel alignment as well, for a total ticket of $118.00. I skipped on the tires as they were to costly and they rotated the front ones, worn because of the needed alignment, into the back. I heartily recommend Tires Plus to anyone who needs auto maintenance.
Michael has always accompanied me for these trips; but, being in prison makes it difficult for him to join us. At least now that more members of the family have been reading the blog, the cat is somewhat out of the bag, excepting only my stepfather, Doug; whom my mother has, in her thoughtfulness, decreed unworthy of receiving this information. This will likely be the only tension I have among the group as I have to glare at any family member who comes close to mentioning Michael’s situation.
What happens when he gets out, and we decide that he merits a return to my life and the hearth of my family? Will there be a made-up story about him being in the Peace Corps, India, or somewhere near Baghdad as a corporate advisor to the new government? I always find that lies have a tendency of blowing out of proportion whether we intend them to or not, and that when forced to compound a lie with more lies, the original story always seems less severe to begin with. Plus, I’m one of the worst liars in the world.
It’s hard enough for me to come up with facts. When something is on the tip of my tongue, I usually wind up swallowing it. Sure I could set a lie into motion but when questions are asked, trying to follow it up right away with plausible correlatives becomes difficult. And I never can remember what I’ve already told, so it’s all too likely I will contradict myself.
So what’s wrong with the truth? Michael and I got hooked on drugs. I was able to quit, but not until after great difficulty and emotional pain. Michael had a harder time stopping, and wound up selling to support his habit. The selling got out of control and federal agents busted him. While it’s his responsibility to understand the harm he did to society, and his duty to pay society back by serving time; anyone that knows Michael also knows that he was under the influence when this occurred.
Under the influence of crystal meth, Michael wasn’t the man with whom I decided to share my home, my time, my life; my experience with him during those days attested to that fact. The Michael I grew to love and love still today is someone who is caring, has a huge heart and is sympathetic to others. Whatever bad decisions he has made he is paying the consequences, some of which he will have to endure for the rest of his life. His career is destroyed. He’ll never be able to apply for a great many different jobs. He’ll not even be able to vote again without having to file to the State of Florida for a petition to restore civil rights. But he’ll at least he’ll be free.
It’s no wonder that so many felons return to a life of crime; the frustration with reintegration into society is too much. My burning question remains: How do we expect society in general to accept that he’s paid his debt, if I am compelled to be dishonest with some of my very own relatives?
“You always want to be the center of attention!”
From my childhood to my adolescence, on into my relationships and work life, I’ve heard this little phrase over and over again. I blurt out inappropriate things. I talk loudly when I’m excited about something. I exhibit behavior for which there can be no otherwise apparent explanation.
“You just do it to get attention!”
I’ve basically believed this myself. When I have worked on modifying my own behavior, I’ve always made an effort to be strong on the humility part, taking great pains to be humble when offered a compliment, or hiding in embarrassment if I think that everyone is looking at me.
This evening I spoke with a young woman whom I met on the ADD Forums who was discussing her own hard-coded beliefs that everyone had always told her she was a screw-up, and she believes it to this day. I was relating my own difficulty with expressing feelings—because of my childhood experiences with polarized rage and exuberance, I’ve taught myself to put all my feelings behind a little wall. My range of feeling was limited to “fine” and “okay.”
I recently thought about the “center of attention” phrase and wrote it down as an example. I am just realizing that I have a deep aversion to being the focus of anyone, because of my wealth of experience. I don’t like to take credit. I become tense when presented with an award, or win a raffle. While I look forward to recognition, the immediacy of all-eyes-on-me makes me rush, nod my head and go back and hide, begging the presenter to simply move on.
The Internet makes recognition without focus that much easier for me. You all come to my blog in your own sweet time—not all at once. But what If something I said was so incendiary or thought provoking that I was linked to by a major website like Salon.com? Suddenly my 65 visitors a day might soar to 1,000. I’d be getting tons of emails. Would the anonymity of the Internet shield me from my natural inclination to run and hide?
While I desire recognition, I have never seemed to be able to work through my inherent fear of attention. And yet, if I plan to be the award-winning novelist I one day hope to be, I’m going to have to find a way to mitigate that. Perhaps the realization that contrary to what others have told me, and my own, deep-rooted belief, I’m not someone who demands to be at the center of attention.
Because it would be nice to be able to be the center of attention, once in a while, and be able to handle it with joy and not embarrassment.
I was a big fan of Terry Brooks’ Kingdom of Landover series when the original books came out. Because I was a member of the Science Fiction Book Club, receiving regular mailings, I always saw when the next one came out and made sure I would get it right away. At some point, however, either my subscription ended or I got the series before the final book, Witches’ Brew came out in 1995.
I’ve never read Brooks’ critically acclaimed and bestselling Shannara Series, though I did come across his The Word and the Void trilogy and was fascinated by those, but they ended a few years ago. It wasn’t until I decided to sell my Sci-Fi Book Club edition of The Tangle Box on eBay that I discovered there was a fifth and final book to the Landover series.
The book was fantastic, to say the least, a very lighthearted fantasy in keeping with the earlier books. I was pleased and enchanted by the book, and it didn’t take long for me to remember bits and pieces of the earlier novels as I went along.
The story was entertaining as well, as a stranger calling himself King Rydell of Marnhull comes to challenge Ben Holiday, King of Landover. Ben and his sylph wife, Willow, decide to send their magical daughter, Mistaya, away because of the danger, but the girl is abducted along the way.
Not much heavy reading here, but very much a story to enchant kids of all ages. I would be most grateful if Brooks were to follow it up, but maybe I’ll just have to start reading the numerous books of the Shannara series.
Purchase the book, or find out more about it here: Witches' Brew (The Magic Kingdom of Landover, Book 5).
Visit the author’s website here: The Wondrous Worlds of Terry Brooks - The Official Site
About two or three years ago, Michael and I took a rare journey down to South Beach to see the first stop on Margaret Cho’s Notorious C.H.O. tour. If you’ve seen Cho’s specials on Premium TV, you already know that the woman can get rather nasty and outrageous on stage, but going to see her live, you think that there’s stuff they won’t even let you hear on HBO.
The audience was primarily gay men and women; however, there was a hetero couple in our row that walked out when the show got a bit too racy for their tastes. Did they win tickets from a radio program? Did they know nothing about Margaret Cho?
A second-generation Korean American from San Francisco, Margaret Cho was born in 1968 and grew up in the hippy-centric Haight-Ashbury district, in contrast to the heavy religious influence of her Methodist Grandfather. She started performing stand-up at age 16, and has never stopped.
I was recently reading where “Blogs” was a recent category of Jeopardy, and Margaret Cho’s picture was the $2,000 clue. I was so delighted that my decadent comic diva has a blog of her very own! This morning I was clicked into Margaret’s Blog and was pleased to find out that she keeps it up to date, unlike so many other celebrity bloggers.
No surprise, Cho is a big proponent of fighting the current onslaught of anti-Gay Marriage legislation. I very nearly went off into a huge tangent here about this sort of legislation, but it should take no Einstein to figure out where I stand on the issue. My reasons are not what you might think, however, and perhaps I’ll dedicate another blog entry to this very subject, soon.
For broadband Internet users, there’s some wonderful little featurettes available on the website. And her Blog won the 2004 Bloggy for most humorous weblog.
Go visit it yourself at: Margaret’s Blog
I have a friend with whom I got together last night, and we talked about how other people in our lives had once been friends and what happened. I had originally intended this post to be about his friend's breakup, and the reasons, but somehow it became more important for me to come to terms with my own ended friendship. I explained about my friend “the Void,” who only called me when he wanted something and then borrowed Michael’s pressure hose from me and never got around to returning it. I finally started calling him on a regular basis, “When are you going to return the pressure hose?” His answer was always, “Too busy today, I’ll bring it to you this weekend,” or “Things are real crazy, I can’t think about it.” When I called and offered to pick it up myself, he said his boyfriend was going to be home at a certain time and I could do it then—the boyfriend wasn’t home and neither was he. Finally, while Will and I were out for a drive, we passed the house where they lived, and I decided to look around to see if the machine was there. Nobody was home, the machine was on the back porch, and I had to “steal” it back home. Void called me a couple days later, asking me if I had taken it, when I told him I had, he said only, “I thought it was stolen.” Funny thing, I thought it was too, but I could only respond with, “No, I had it.” Only later did it become clear why the machine had never been returned. It wouldn’t start. As much as I tried to get it going, the ignition wouldn’t turn. He hadn’t gotten it back to me because he had broken it. Why was I not surprised? This turn came after a long history of not being there for me when I needed a friend, but expecting me to be right around the corner when he was needy. My last report was that Void was sick, had just gotten out of the hospital with a grim outlook. It’s not the first time, but we share the same primary care physician and he didn’t seem very enthusiastic about Void’s health. I can’t bring myself to see him. I’m still very angry and very hurt about being taken for granted, over and over again. I wish him well, because I still care for him, but I value myself too highly to bring him back into my life. It was a one-sided friendship, but primarily because I don’t believe Void has any concept of what unconditional love is. Everything came with conditions, and if I wasn’t able to do what he wanted, when he wanted, anything else I had wasn’t good enough for him. In all seriousness, he hasn’t called me or asked me to see him either. I could very likely change my mind, if I came with boundaries already in place. I did however, mentioned to another friend who was going to see him to tell him that I was thinking about him and praying for him. So maybe he understands. Sometimes we have to give up the ones we love for our own well-being. I’m a generous and charitable person, but I can be taken only so far. And the Void took me past that point.
It’s a dreary day in Paradise, and I haven’t much felt like writing about anything. So, I’ll make a public service announcement on behalf of Lavender Writes.
Many of us have had some Christmas catastrophes somewhere in our closets. Maybe it was Hanukkah Horrors. Maybe we woke up from New Years Eve in a strange city? It’s also quite possible that every holiday season has been perfect from childhood on, but we heard about someone else’s holiday mess! Write about it! Make up something!
Because next month Lavender Writes is happy to host the Holidays Gone Wrong, which presents local gay/lesbian and bisexual authors the chance to share stories of disastrous holidays and families that give new meaning to dysfunction. We invite authors to sign up to read and everyone else to listen to these tidbits as they do their holiday shopping at none other than the Pride Factory.
The event starts sharp at 1pm on Saturday, December 4, at the Pride Factory, located at 845 North Federal Highway, in Fort Lauderdale, just south of Sears Town and next to Dry Clean Depot.
Or maybe you’ve always wanted to MC an event, and think you can do a good job. If not, maybe you’d like to come by and see how badly I’ll mess up MCing.
Come on out to Pride Factory and support the local literate.
In the 2004 election, there were a surprising number of votes out there to reelect the president, many of whom come from a group of Americans who voted strictly on moral issues, without regard to economic security and completely at odds with unemployment and a war raging on in Iraq. In fact, “moral issues” was the number one factor affecting their vote according to Conservative Christians.
How did they reconcile the immorality of war itself? How does health for everyone not figure into the Christian mentality? How do these same Christians justify the death penalty when Jesus himself taught us to be forgiving in everything? Caesar is to Caesar and God is to God? Judge not lest ye be judged?
I believe that much of this comes from the fact that many of these people have no significant exposure to the other points of view, living in the secluded world of Church three times a week, Rush Limbaugh and Fox TV news. No Comedy Central, CNN or HBO for them. These people actually believe the L Word refers to liberal.
In order to bridge this country back together, I believe we should start a new organization, The “Adopt-a-Christian Foundation.” I’ll start with my next door neighbors, who were very quiet about the election but I’ve got a sneaking suspicion they both punched their tickets for good-ol’ W. It’s time to sit down, befriend them, get to know them and why they think the way they do and tell them a little about us.
Those of us on the gay side can stick close to home, those mighty Calvary Chapel-ites and other Church-a-rama goers at least have some experience living around us, and I’ve known more than one who was able to treat us with respect as individuals, even able to work with us while secretly undermining our rights by sending money to organizations intent on hoarding us into concentration camps.
The rest of us can go online, trolling the sites where Christians hang out, befriending them and chatting about unimportant things but making them like us, avoiding politics at all cost until common ground has finally been struck. “Oh, I can’t let a little thing like politics come between our friendship,” is the opening line. After that we listen to them for a while, agreeing with them while we can stomach it and when we feel obligated to say, “Oh, that’s not right,” don’t bother to elaborate. Remember to say, “I like you so much, let’s just drop the subject.”
This gives each of us time to research, start out with the responses that are less challenging to their minds. “Oh, I don’t know. He’s the leader of our country and I feel we should stay the course, but there’s just something about him that I can’t put my finger on. I’m worried about him.”
Oh, this will take time, and the more reactionary of us need not involve ourselves. You guys can remain the radical left, we still need you out there. But the rest of us have something to offer, and the only way we can get on the right track is by bridging back to the half of the country that seems to have been alienated from us—from reality.
After all, if all these people watch is Fox News, listen to Rush Limbaugh and trust everything the Republican controlled government has to say, where else are they going to get their information?
I am fairly good at which book reviews to read for nuances of language that indicate whether the reviewer and I share similar tastes, have similar criticisms; and generally find what I expect from novels to hold true. I read Sharon Shinn’s book, The Allelluia Files, with a preconceived notion that the book was substandard to Shinn’s normally engaging characters, and therefore when I read it I was no terribly disappointed in its dearth of imagination and character depth; knowing that the next book in the series, Angelica, would made up for the deficits that I encountered.
Again, no surprises--Angelica is thus far Shinn’s best addition to the saga of Samaria, the distant and future world where genetically engineered angels rule over the variety of people that are forced to live in harmony else suffer the wrath of Jovah, an orbiting supercomputer and protector of the people. Angelica is more of a prequel, however, to the other novels, set some 200 years after the people arrive on Samaria. One of the faults of The Allelluia Files, some centuries in the future, could have been because of the fact that Shinn had made the decision to incorporate advancements of technology that detracted from the tone of the earlier books. Angelica does not have the distraction of the technological understanding of the people who inhabit Samaria, which makes for an interesting challenge when confronted with strange, dark-skinned and dark-clad invaders from another world.
Shinn also is careful to remain close to the angel-and-angelica romance, although the realization of that romance does not occur until the last several pages, a carry-through of her prior three novels. Gaaron is a likeable and understandable Archangel-to-be, and Susannah his staid and pensive Edori angelica-fiancé. The forays into the mind of Miriam, Gaaron’s non-angel sister, are short, and few, and as the character of Miriam is included so frequently among the chapters involving Gaaron and Susannah, I did not feel at a loss when Miriam receives the point of view, mid-Novel.
Shinn relies on the same literal Deus ex machine mechanics as in the earlier novels, but to a lesser extent, empowering the characters to do more to overcome their obstacles. Susannah’s “dream sequence,” toward the end of the book could have been explored more, as I am distracted by the implausibility of an otherwise bright woman being so easily convinced that those book changing events were nothing but a dream. I didn’t get a decent sense that Susannah felt she was dreaming.
Otherwise, Angelica is highly imaginative and another book so engaging that I had difficulty putting it down until the last page. It will delight readers of fantasy and romance alike.
Purchase the book, or find out more about it here: Angelica, by Sharon Shinn
What does this mean?
Preexisting Condition - a physical or mental condition, regardless of the cause of the condition, for which medical diagnosis, care or treatment was recommended or received within (1) the six month period for groups of two or more employees and for groups of fewer than two employees who have had the Continuous Creditable Coverage, ending on the person’s Enrollment Date.This comes from a document called the Preexisting Condition Amendment. What I understood when I signed up with this United Health Care policy that for two or more employees the Continuous Creditable Coverage trumped the preexisting condition clause. The wording in the contract is fairly ambiguous, leading one to believe that it applies to groups of two or more employees who have had the CCC as well as fewer than two employees who have had the Continuous Creditable Coverage. So why separate them out? Why not just say any employee who has had Continuous Creditable Coverage? I think this is one of those clauses that seems to be intended to be ambiguous—but the helpful young woman from the State of Florida Department of Financial Services seems to feel that I wasn’t covered. But I’m still going by my original understanding. Now after talking with the State of Florida Agency for Health Care Administration, they suggest I call United Health Scare again (gasp!) At least they opened a complaint for me. I do desperately hope that this will conclude with United figuring out they made a big mistake. I hope this saga ends soon?
“Be careful what you pray for,” the old adage says.
Recently, I was praying for the ability and opportunity to pay my bills, and what happens? I get inundated with work. I’m not complaining, no, far be it for me to complain, but I work from my PC at home. Which means I have to set my own schedule. Commit to doing things at certain times of day. Set aside blocks of time to do certain things.
Even saying those things makes my eyes glaze over with a misty haze and I want to convulse and spin my head around like Linda Blair in the Exorcist. Don’t worry about the pea soup—who has time to eat anything in the morning?
1) The Company: Well, they got ahead on the scripts and I’ve only had a few drizzle in, but the boss has a new efficiency expert in the form of his girlfriend. This fellow is a reasonable guy and I was surprised he’d even hire a girlfriend, but she knows her stuff and suddenly I’ve been presented with all sorts of work! Like training her in Filemaker 5.0, a database relationship program which seems to have no idea what database relationship programs are supposed to look like. It’s okay, though—I think they’ve fixed things with Filemaker 7.0 to make it look a lot like Access, FoxPro, and all that, with SQL scripts. Many of you may be glazing over in a hazy mist right now. The rest of you understand what I’m saying.
2) The Photographer: His website is looking fantastic. The layout is done using the increasingly popular cascading style sheets rather than in strict HTML. Using tables for layout is over, man. CSS is where it is. He’s also asked me to help out in another website. My answer? Yes.
3) The Artist: I still have work to do on his site. And we I haven’t been working well with the Ebay stuff —there was a substantial run on it but the last few things didn’t sell too well. Time to rethink our prices and the rest. But the art is still fabulous. Anyone out there that wants to buy art, part of the profits are going to me!
4) Me: I need to move this blog to another page and set up MY website properly. I’ve got a marketable skill, not my writing of course—I have to be published a bit more. No, I’m talking about my web design. If you clicked on any of the websites I’ve done, you realize they’re absolutely fabulous. You can’t get this stuff by paying $9 an hour to AIFL students. I already know everything they can teach. Now I need to make money at it.
Suggestions anyone? If someone out there is willing to invest some time in time managing me, it would free me up to make some incredible money. I would, of course, share this with you. I have the talent, you supply the management. We’d make a wonderful team.
Bush got elected. Those tiny, rural counties in Florida with great numbers of Democrats registered, voted heavily Republican in the last presidential election. It makes perfect sense that they would do so again. So many people voted early that exit polling would, basically, suck—and did. Furthermore, as evidenced by the Bush/Cheney bumper stickers and road signs still up in my Broward County neighborhood, I’m willing to believe Bush got the vote fair and square. In the unlikely event that someone is going to feel such guilt that they will confess to widespread voter fraud, it’s not going to be proven. The only thing it’s going to do is further alienate ordinarily level-headed liberals from the rest of the country. We want their vote next time, remember? So stop sending me emails about the election. I think I got that Investigate the Vote email from moveon.org from six different people. A word to moveon.org: MOVE ON! It was hard enough to get past 2000--and I'm not even a Democrat, I'm a Green. The Geekslut had some very good things to say on his website. Before you click, he usually has a lot of heavy sex content, so be wary. For those who don’t want to dare his website, I’ll quote him:
What to do: Frankly I don't give a deleted word. I'm not a Democrat (I'm not a Republican either). And I'm kind of digging watching all the democratic bigwigs fall over each other pointing fingers. But I do have a few suggestions: 1. Drop the queers (for a few). Meaning me, and probably you. We're a huge liability to the party. And what do we bring to the table anyway? Latest numbers I've seen suggest that some 20% of us voted for Bush. Not good. Until we got our own house in order, get our own sales pitches to America horned and working, we are a liability. 2. Beef up Narrowcasting programs. Someone knocks on your door. They dress like you, talk like you, act like you, speak the same issues as you - that's Narrowcasting. Or at a bar. Some cute boy flirting around. Going from group to group. Not selling anything. Just having fun. He's wearing jeans and a t-shirt donned with a corporate logo. That's Narrowcasting. Using data telling who and what you are (or your group), you get sent a body that you'll relate too. It's expensive though. And takes time. And you still need a good sales pitch. But it's a softer in-your-face way of getting your point (or product) across. 3. Don't copy the Republicans. Not on issues anyway. Come up with better sales pitches. But act like them. Lawyers (most party operatives) are bad communicators. So keep yours on issue. Keep it simple. Say it fast. Look good. And never, ever give too much information. Sure, have it available for the odd-bird (like me) who might ask for it. But most won't. 4. And for the love of god, get decent haircuts.Yeah, we’re pretty sure King George II is going to destroy things pretty bad. If we want to do something about it, however, we need to work toward the future, not the past.
I attend, and have my roots in recovery in one particular 12-step fellowship, although I participate in meetings of other fellowships as well. In my area, a number of meetings contains some version of the following “Clarity” statement in their meetings:
We are faced with the dilemma when addicts identify themselves as addicts and alcoholics, or talk about living clean and sober. The clarity of the message is blurred. This implies there are two diseases, that one drug is separate from another, requiring special recognition. We believe that there is no difference between drugs, thus, when we speak about being clean we can emphasize the similarities and not the differences.At first glance this seems reasonable to any person who regularly attends this one fellowship. That when people speak of being sober and their sobriety, they are referring to alcohol. This may have been true when the original statement of this fellowship was written in November 1985. However, the English language continues to change, in the world of Nancy Reagan’s “Just Say No” to drugs, alcohol abuse was far more acceptable while drug abuse was far less acceptable than today. Now, however, as prescription drug addiction is skyrocketing, especially since the release of Oxycontin® in 1996, a semi-synthetic opium derivative, drug addiction is much more out-of-the-closet among otherwise successful people. Even abusers of illegal drugs are more honest about their problems. Celebrities from Robert Downey Jr. to Rush Limbaugh are coming clean, and the word of choice to describe it is, more often than not, “sober.” I attended my home group meeting last night, a meeting of the fellowship that strengthened my foundation, one that belongs to the fellowship that came up with the above-referenced Clarity statement but doesn’t use it in its meetings. One of our newer members is a man who, as far as I know, rarely or never attends any other fellowship. He used the word “sober” to describe his experience, but there was no question about what he meant. Among the members attending this meeting, there were several “die-hard” fellowship advocates, and I had to prevent myself from looking to see if any of them grimaced at the word use. In the last few years, as I become healthier, I find I am able to use greater resources. I once held to the “clean-only” philosophy, but have of late become acceptant that other people may use different words to describe the same thing. I also believe that this statement is alienating in its own context, and have heard from people who ordinarily go to other fellowships feel less welcome in the ones where such “clarity statements” are quoted. The time for this “clarity statement” is long past; for they digress from our 5th Tradition, which states that “The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using,” and they have no support from any of the other traditions.
After waiting four years for the sequel to Heartfire, Orson Scott Card finally delights us with the further tales of Alvin Maker in The Crystal City. From the beginning, we are transported into the wonderful world of magical alternate history as only Uncle Orson can show us. Alvin and his brother-in-law, Arthur Stuart, are in the Spanish town Nueva Barcelona (once known as New Orleans) on a mission of unknown determination, by Alvin’s wife, the “Torch,” Peggy Smith.
Card writes in his usual Alvin series voice, providing frequent jabs and slapstick conversation among the characters, who argue among themselves in admiration. Although I think the snappy dialogue went a tad overboard in this book, I was nevertheless entertained with the story.
The book is an easy read, and went too quickly. After the early difficulties in the book, I think things wrapped together far too neatly toward the end. And it appeared that Card was rushing this one. It seems that something has been left out.
I have to remind myself that the Alvin books are written easily, so that youth can read them, and not be upset that we didn’t explore the depths of characters who should be behaving like adults.
At 340 pages, it’s well worth the short time it takes to read it. I understand that Orson Scott Card has one more book in the series and then he’ll wrap it all up. Let’s hope he takes less than four years to write this one.
Purchase the book, or find out more about it here: The Crystal City (Tales of Alvin Maker, Book 6)
Twenty-one years ago, Stephen R. Donaldson, released White Gold Wielder, the final book in the Second Chronicles of Thomas Covenant. It would have seemed that the series had run its course. The Staff of Law was reformed, the Land was saved, Lord Foul was banished, Linden Avery was restored to her world and Thomas Covenant lay dead. There was nothing more to write about Thomas Covenant.
But even as a sixteen-year-old, I was a sophisticated enough reader to have been left with a feeling of dissatisfaction. I didn’t put my finger on the reasons until much later on, this past year when I decided to reread both trilogies, and indeed, I was left with a much greater sense of disappointment in the loose ends upon finishing the second time.
Sunder and Hollian, the villagers that were recruited along Covenant and Avery’s journey, were now the custodians of the Staff, and the heirs of the Forestal Caer Cavarel; but the healing of the land would be slow, and Hollian was pregnant. The two surviving Giants of the Search still had to reach their ship. Joan Covenant, the hero’s estranged wife was still insane, and although Thomas’s son, eleven-year-old Roger had never been more than an absent character, but with no parents, his future still remained desperately uncertain. Finally, although Lord Foul has been once more destroyed, we know that he will always return, even if it takes him millennia to do it. Mere years in Avery’s world.
It was mere chance that I read Stephen R. Donaldson’s website one day and learned of the newest entry into the Thomas Covenant Chronicles, The Runes of the Earth. Here I thought White Gold Wielder ended it all, but Thomas Covenant’s legacy has somehow survived his passing.
The only disappointment I felt for Runes was that I read it too fast, and it ended on a cliffhanger. I want more, and fear that with Donaldson’s history of writing, I will have to wait a year before I get it. Runes held true to the earlier chronicles, and left me wanting for more.
It is ten years after the events of White Gold Wielder on Linden Avery’s world, and she is confronted by a newly 21-year old Roger Covenant seeking the release of his catatonic mother into his custody. At once we can sense the aberrant behavior in Roger Covenant, and suspect the young man is under some darker influence. Linden denies the younger Covenant his request, and turns the young man away, but left feeling uneasy at the events that soon unfold. She must protect her quasi-autistic adopted son, Jeremiah, whose hand was maimed in the very same fashion as Thomas Covenant’s was, as a child, in the events that brought Avery first to the Land.
When Linden Avery is transported to the Land, as we know what must ultimately happen, we find that another three and a half millennia have passed, and just as in The Wounded Land the wondrous land has been changed and deformed by dark forces, in both the form of an invisible fog that disables Avery’s inherent earthsense called “Kevin’s Dirt” and a macabre storms that breaches reality known as “Falls.” She encounters Anele, a blind and crazy old mystic with a world of unlocked knowledge, Stave, one of the Haruchai who have set themselves up as “Masters” of the land, intending to save it from itself, and Liand, an ordinary man from Mithil Stonedown, the same little village that we find our protagonist(s) in at the beginning of the first two trilogies.
The Runes of the Earth begins series of four books, according to Donaldson, intended to tie up all the loose ends. I managed to spread the last hundred pages out among a few nights, but ultimately found myself finishing the book far sooner than I wanted. The Covenant series are destined to put Donaldson among the very greatest writers of epic fantasy; in the ranks of names such as Tolkein and Bradley.
Interested in buying it or seeing more about it? Click here: The Runes of the Earth (The Last Chronicles of Thomas Covenant, Book 1)
Here it is, the conclusion. I hope I don’t disappoint too many of my Anybody But Bush friends by arriving at this place, but hey, life goes on. My family is important to me as is my relationship with my co-workers, business associates, neighbors. A great many Americans voted for Bush, which is something you have to admit even if you think there was widespread fraud. These were not all stupid, ignorant, or selfish people. I know there were millions of people who don’t like George W. Bush one bit but were completely dissatisfied with John Kerry as an alternative, and preferred to maintain the status quo rather than allowing things to get worse. The rest of us are pretty sure things can only get worse with another four years…
Acceptance is when you realize that life has to go on. You may still have thoughts of your loss, but less intense and less frequent. You can here accept your loss. You should now be able to regain your energy and goals for the future. It may take some time to get here but you will.Bush won and those are the facts. Lawyers may challenge the election results, but ultimately, the challenger conceded to the incumbent on the very day after the election, and now, to the rest of the world, we say, “Screw you!” Americans want to keep George W. Bush in the White House another four years. We also want to give him a Senate more inclined toward his policies. Well, Colorado wanted the president but not the Senate, but I think the rest of us were pretty decisive. We have given the president a mandate and this is what America is all about: Bullying the world to our way of life. Making sure that our citizens maintain an upright set of morals. Ensuring that every man, woman and child has a gun and knows how to use it. Freedom of Religion, as long as your religion falls in line with our political way of thinking. Freedom of the Press, and freedom of the press to speak the mind of its multi-billion dollar management, and twist the truth to manipulate our populace to their way of thinking. And let us remember, there is hope for the future. The president has finally been elected by a clear majority. The people have given W the go ahead to say and do whatever he wants... And we know what happens when the president follows his own advice. Remember, Nixon was elected a second term too.
Here (and anger) is the stage where most everyone I know that strongly supported Kerry is at. Funny thing about the professional counseling; my therapist was a much stronger Kerry supporter than I—I’ll probably have to counsel him!
Depression is a very likely outcome for all people that grieve for a loss. This is often the most difficult stage of the five with which to deal. There can be feelings of listlessness and exhaustion. The sufferer may burst helplessly into tears, with the belief there is now no purpose to life, and may feel like he/she is being punished. Pleasure and joy can be difficult to achieve even from things and activities which the sufferer has always gained delight. There can even be thoughts of suicide. The most important thing to do when depression arrives is professional counseling. Self-preservation is a must.The countdown until the end of the world is at hand. The president now feels he has a mandate to do what he wishes, just as Adolf Hitler had a “mandate” after he was elected chancellor in 1933. I don’t look good in concentration camp colors. Was the president actually being smug with reporters, demanding that they limit their questions to one, with no follow-up? Congress is now overwhelmingly Republican. I can feel progressive laws start to go into reverse: first sodomy becomes illegal again, then a women’s right to choose, our personal liberties will continue to erode away until we have nothing. They’ll just keep us alive to point out to the rest of the world that they’re not doing away with us. The war in Iraq will rage on, and on, spread into Iran, Europe will finally have to step in. What if mainland Europe, Russia and China got together and said America was starting to get too big for its britches? Could our “coalition” fight them all? Wouldn’t Australia want to join their new friends, the Japanese? Oh, heavens, now we have to live with the derision of the 59,459,765 Americans who voted for Bush, all “We showed you, and we’re number one.” Who’d have thought that people could become even further divided? I guess a country like ours that fought a Civil War over whether states could make their own decisions about such time-honored traditions such as slavery, is used to division. I can’t say, however, that we saw anything like the hatred and us-against-them at any moment during the twentieth century. I’ve personally been involved in five presidential elections and have never in my life felt so isolated from so many of my fellow countrymen. George W. Bush himself said that they were going to bridge back to those who shared his goals. Someone please define what he meant by “his goals.” To me it sounds like it leaves the rest of us out. Hopelessness. When so many people want to keep the rest of their countrymen downtrodden, any system that runs by popular vote is hopeless. My own decision to hide out from the Bush supporters and avoid trying to sway what I thought were closed minds puts me in the blame column as well. And as a nation, we deserve what happens to us.
First you tell us you think gay people are too promiscious, then when we want to become monogamous, you make it illegal for us to declare it? Now you want to put us in charge of fighting crime for you? Lesbian becomes first Dallas sheriff
Lupe Valdez is not only the first woman to become Dallas County sheriff or the first Hispanic, but she is also the first out lesbian to be elected to the position.read more...
Bargaining can either be with ourselves or if you are religious with your god. Often we will offer something to try to take away the reality of what has happened. We may try to make a deal, to restore our loss as it was before the tragic event occurred. It is only human to want thing as they were before.There were too many strange goings-on in the past election, and even though Kerry has conceded, we have to endeavor to fight to open up the possibility that Bush cheated. Why did the exit polls in so many states show such different results than the actual voting? Ohio traditionally “trashes” a certain percentage of their ballots, Florida’s voting machines were programmed by a company with strong GOP ties. Get the lawyers up in arms! How many signatures does it take to recall the president? We can get enough of them! I only, personally, need to work harder this time to convince more people they’ve been bamboozled! Of course, there’s always the alternative of all of us moving to Blue states and then forming the real United States of America. We could boot the red states out of DC (because DC is blue) then send our own Congress and declare Bush the loser! Of course, we’d have to take a small part of northern Virginia, too so that the Pentagon stays in the “Proper” United States. If Taiwan can do it, so can we!
To my wonderful readers who happened to vote the wrong way and are not suffering the graveness that the rest of us are experience: The five stages of grief are meant, on some level, to be humorous. As we all know, humor is a healthy and wonderful way of coping with a tragic loss. While my specific comments do not express how I feel at this moment, there are millions upon millions of Americans right now who are very, very angry—not only at the flawed democratic process, and at the deep war chests of the Republican party which served to further denigrate and undermine that very process, but also at those of you who voted to validate the president’s existence. You’ve been very, very naughty citizens, placing your “X” in the column for King George II. You deserve a spanking..
We get angry. This anger can manifest itself in many ways. We can blame others for our loss. We can become easily agitated having emotional outbursts. We can even become angry with ourselves. Care must be taken here not to turn this anger inwards. Release of this anger is a far better way to cope with grief in my experience.My neighbors (the ones who had the George Bush signs out) are smirking right now… they won’t be smiling so well when they go outside in the morning and find dog poop on their lawns. Now I’m glad they put Bush signs out. Now I know whose door to aim for with the poop. One idiot family still has their sign out today. They’re going to find that sign upside down in the poop. Enough about dog poop. Al Qaida doesn’t care who voted for Bush. They’re not going to call up and say, “Lalilalilalila! How did you vote? Kerry? Okay, stay away from Federal Building on December 12. Praise Allah!” No…they’re going to say, “Americans are warmongering Israel lovers like their president. Kill all of them! Lalilalilalala!” Are you happy, Bush-lovers? Argh! It’s my fault! If I hadn’t supported Nader in 2000… No, I’m not taking the blame for this one! They know they did it, and they did it intentionally! Start the revolution! Go out into the streets! Overturn cars! Torch buildings! Make it look like Ireland won the World Soccer Cup!!!
For most of my friends, you will be experiencing the same range of emotions that I am. In the next five entries, I hope to help us work through them together. Keep an open mind and heart as you travel this journey with me.
In the denial stage we refuse to believe what has happened. We try in our mind to tell ourselves that life is as it would be should our loss not have happened.There’s no way Bush could have won. The electronic balloting systems were designed by a company with clear Republican ties. Didn’t the exit polls show dramatically different results than the final tally? With no paper trail, how easy is it to program the machines to spit a bunch of Democrat votes into the Republican column. There’s several hundred thousand provisional ballots in Ohio, mainly from counties with heavily Democratic populations. It’s certain that these will tell us a different story once they’re counted. I’m sure president Kerry will work on creating a better voting system once he’s in office.
Yes, I love this country that I call my home. But Americans, on the other hand... Right before midnight on Election Day, it looks like the popular vote is going for Bush. The rest of the world is aghast and horrified that we would vote for him, and the feeling around the world is that Americans are selfish, hateful people who, in fact, are proud of being the bully of the world. We, as Americans, had better be prepared for the horrifying backlash that will occur. I'm angry at everyone that voted for Bush, ignoring the fact that the infastructure of the country is rapidly deteriorating. I don't think the terrorists are going to pick and choose who voted for Bush or Kerry. I'm as likely to die in the next attack as a Republican. I am disgusted that people that voted for Bush would put me in that danger zone; that I can't travel the world with any degree of safety because I'm an American. Every one that voted to reelect Bush has potentially put me at risk. I should have held my conviction and voted Socialist...every vote for a third party makes a real difference, and Kerry has already lost Florida. I'd pray for Ohio but that sort of prayer doesn't work. I'm sure God has heard the prayers of enough misguided Christians to stay out of it completely.
I’m back home… I need so much it’s not funny and I’m not sure where the money is going to come from. The house is so cluttered, notably my office area; and with everything I have to do I don’t know how I’m going to find the time for it. But that’s all fodder for another day’s blog entry, and I’ve got so much left to talk about from my vacation I am not going to get mired down in my problems. One of the things I was looking forward to in going to South Carolina is that, being that South Carolina was pretty firmly Bush territory, I wasn’t going to be subjected to all those nasty Bush ads and Kerry ads that we keep seeing on the airwaves here, but Fritz Hollings’ retirement from the senate is leaving a vacancy and an opportunity for the Republicans to pick up a Senate seat. The race between Inez Tenenbaum and Jim DeMint is nastier than anything. The 357 campaign ads are so deceptive. It’s obvious that DeMint seeks to be nothing more than a rubber stamp for George Bush, and although I saw several ads attacking him from people not representing Tenenbaum that were untrue, I’m not even going to dignify them with mention. The ads attacking Tenebaum, the Democrat, were far more deceptive, one of them somehow managed to tie her to the deficit of flu vaccines. I don’t understand how rational people can bury their heads in the sand and be deceived by the Republican propaganda. The evidence is there, in front of our faces, but none of these people seem to believe that Bush is capable of the actions to which he’s evidently tied. Maybe the final election results will tell a different story. I’m just disgusted by the entire process. Someone has got to stand up before the next election, with integrity, and change the way these things work. This country can’t last much longer the way it’s going.
