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July 23, 2004
Nothing is Personal
I came across this website when I was trying to communicate to someone on a board in which I participate where I came up with the idiom "Communication isn't Personal": The Sixth Principle of Intentional Communication: Nothing is Personal
This entire thing was brought up in a discussion that I initiated about "flame wars". Before I continue, I offer here a little explanation from Wikipedia.
"Flaming is the practice of posting messages that are deliberately hostile and insulting to a discussion board (usually on the Internet). Such messages are called flames, and are often posted in response to flamebait."
"A flame war is a series of flaming messages in an electronic discussion group or message board system such as usenet, mailing lists or forums. There are a number of characteristics of electronic communication which have been cited as being conducive to flame wars. Electronic communications do not easily transmit facial expressions or voice intonations which may serve to moderate the tone of a message. Also, there is typically a lag time between the time a message is transmitted and the time a reply is read. These two characteristics can cause a "positive feedback loop" in which the emotional intensity of an electronic exchange increases to extremely high levels."
There was a time I used to be incited by these things. Comments like "...and there are people on this forum who..." always seemed to be about me, whether or not the comment had anything to do with me.
In the beginning, there was AOL, and AOL had no chat rooms, and less than 20,000 members. But AOL had forums, and people of differing political persuasion posted on those forums. The year was 1991, and I was 25, and extremely immature. I got involved in the worst arguments, and never ceased coming back over and over and over again. I most closely resembled "Tireless Rebutter" of the Flame Warriors.
It wasn't until recent years that I fully understood the importance of "Communications Isn't Personal." I don't take everything I see as an insult. "Nothing is personal" is not about how to better communicate, it's about how to better deal with communication. This way, even if I'm certain somebody is insulting me online, I can remember that it is that person's problem; because no matter how much I might express about who I am, they couldn't possibly know me.
Indignance does me no good and does everyone else harm.
I hope this post doesn't upset anyone.
Posted by Bastique at July 23, 2004 12:15 PM