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August 27, 2004
Apartners
I had a moment tonight, after a meeting. I caught some of the subliminal conversation between a pair of friends who were also partners and felt a tug at my heart. For fifteen months I've been generally eating the feelings of loss I have for Michael, knowing that it is merely a temporary situation and it will, indeed pass before too much longer.
As he expects to be out September 2005, we have crossed the midpoint of his incarceration, and I can actually start planning for his eventual return. What I can expect from here on out is that the barrier I've put up begin to relax and the feelings I've been eating for all that time are start to be made known, whether I'm ready to deal with them or not.
I still feel like there's a part of me missing, even though there is a man that very much cares for me, under my roof and emotionally available to me most of the time. I love Will, and really appreciate his presence, and everything he does. I want him to succeed, and am willing to give my own energies toward that. He is a unique individual, and I have a part of my heart reserved for him.
But my life-mate is still Michael, and it hurts to be apart from him.
Posted by Bastique at August 27, 2004 11:58 PM