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September 26, 2004
Letters from Club Fed (1/3)
This is the first entry of Michael’s into the blog. I briefly considered putting Michael’s stuff on a separate blog, but with all the work I have to do, to retype his words into the computer, I think it will be enough just to get his stuff in here, and skip my own stuff.
Sorry about yesterday, but I had a hurricane to deal with. AGAIN.
The rest is from Michael. Up at Eglin Federal Work Camp near Fort Walton Beach, Florida.
9/10/04
Howdy ALL!
Let me begin with an apology to everyone for not writing nearly as much as I should or would like to, followed by an attempt at an explanation as to why and what I’ll attempt to do to remedy the situation.
The primary obstacle seems to be a critical lack of newsworthy information. This is, after all, prison. Nothing much changes from day to day. The greatest enemy to those of us vacationing at “Club Fed” is terminal boredom! This, you can be sure, is a vacation I’ll not book again. Let me give you an example of a typical day here at Camp Snoopy.
5:00AM I roll out of bed, grab my cup of instant coffee and head for the designated smoking area for a couple of generic cigarettes and exchange morning pleasantries, most of which is a gripe session about the insanity of the fed prison system or the not-so-charming eccentricities of any number of our beloved staff members. I’ll begin to keep notes on these issues in the future to give you an up close and personal feeling for the pervasive foolishness of the system.
5:15AM Back into the dorm. Dress (Camp Uniform) brush teeth, arrange what little hair I have into something presentable, get that award winning smile on my face (It’s for real!) and head out the door to begin my workday at 5:30AM.
5:30AM Arrive at the camp laundry, which is supposed to open at 5:30 sharp. I can count the number of times per month on one hand that we actually open on time. The staff member currently in charge of this facility is chronically late; one of those people who will be late for his own funeral. We usually open somewhere between 5:40 and 5:50. This is a problem as the work crews have to be out of camp, mowing and weed whacking between 5:45 and 6:30, and need to have breakfast, hit the laundry to pick up clothing, replace or exchange terminally stained, stretched, shrunk, worn out, or missing clothing, make beds and sweep floors, etc. The window of opportunity to get this all accomplished is pretty narrow. Keep in mind that the laundry closes at 12:00 noon, is open Mon-Thur and services 800+ men. It’s sort of like feeding time at the zoo. I actually have one of the primo jobs on the compound, locally known as the “demi-god of clothing.” When a “vacationer” arrives at our gracious facility, he sees me first, as I supply his clothing issue, consisting of 4prs khaki pants, 4 khaki shorts, 6 t-shirts, 6pr of underwear, 6pr of socks, 2 towels, 2 facecloths, work gloves, baseball cap, rain poncho, belt, new pillow/pillowcase. He then gets a speech about how the laundry operates, what other services/sundries we provide (razors, toothbrush/paste, combs, soap, deodorant, sheets, blankets, etc). All this with a caring, welcoming smile from yours truly. I actually like my job very much! I mean, really, what better job for a gay man at a men’s prison! [grin]
There are some very hot men here and of course I have to ensure the best fit for their clothing. “Oh, those pants don’t seem to fit well. Take them off and try these on!” “Hmmm—very broad shoulders and chest&ellip;maybe this shirt will fit better.” “Your not sure what size you need? Let me check your waist and inseam!” LOL—Really!
On the other hand, I also have “Plus size gents” to work with. “Lets see&ellip; 58” waist, 27” inseam&ellip; 5x shirt&ellip; I think these will fit OK” (Calling Omar the tentmaker!!) Anyway, I’m pretty secure in my job, am well-liked and respected around the camp, and will go the extra mile to make you try to feel as human as possible under the circumstances. On top of all that, the pay is great&ellip; 29¢ an hour. Not bad when the rest of the place is mowing grass for 11¢ an hour, eh? And of course, I always have the most fashionable clothing on the compound!
Note from Cary: I’m taking up a collection so Mike can get a new pair of sneakers!!! $65. Any help is appreciated!
You guys can email Michael at the link posted on the upper right side of the screen. The email goes to me, not to him, but I'll print it and send it with my regular correspondence. He loves reading mail and I'm gonna push him to respond to every piece he gets, if I have to have him print the response on the email itself!
If you want to mail him privately, send me an email and I'll forward the address to you! Cary.
Posted by Bastique at September 26, 2004 11:07 PM