June 28, 2006
Tough
I have had a rough week. One of our siamese cats, Ojee, took ill over the weekend, and on Monday he stopped eating altogether. Most of the evening he lay on the floor. I said to Michael, "We need to take him to the vet tomorrow!" After Michael had gone to bed, I was still awake, and I heard him convulse on the floor, vomiting up the milk and sugar that Michael had force-fed him.
These are our two siamese cats.
Ojee is the one on the right.
It was pretty evident to me that his time was over. I took a towel and put it under him, holding on to him. He was shaking and convulsing. I'm not sure if he was still breathing but his heart was faint.
I woke Michael up and told him that Ojee was leaving us. I let Michael hold him for a while.
There has been considerably more that's happened this week. I received some wonderful news on Sunday that I would like to write about in a separate post. It would be better to write about that when I am not feeling sad.
Posted by Bastique at 9:59 PM | Comments (3)
June 21, 2006
Road rage
Whoa, the self-righteous indignation I felt while waiting at the light that leads from my neighborhood at Lyons and McNab Roads as an eighteen-wheeler pulled onto McNab eastbound from Lyons north, just as the light was changing from red to green. The monster then slowed to a crawl as he made the turn, and only a few of us waiting were able to pass under the short-lived light as the truck finally cleared the intersection.
Being one of the ones who made it, I considered it my holy duty to tell the driver just what we all thought of his action, not for myself of course but on behalf of the suffering commuters left behind as a result of his carelessness. As the truck still had not yet achieved driving speed down McNab Road, it was easy to pass him on the right, and as I did so I shouted out my window, "that was fouled up!*"
*Paraphrased
No doubt the truck driver paused to reflect on my actions, thinking, "Yes, that was indeed all fouled up. I shall be more considerate of my fellow human being in the future." More than likely he laughed at my objection as he spewed some foul insult, heard only to himself and whatever else might be crawling about his cab.
Nevertheless, I was on my worst behavior. The best I can do in such situations is to accept that nothing will change the three facts of the road:
- There will be assholes on the road.
- I will encounter them.
- I can either let them be or become one of them.
My fellow travelers were little aware of my indignant actions, so what purpose did my outrage serve? While venting my frustration, I run the risk of causing the consternation of not only the truck driver but also other drivers on the road who may perhaps mistake my rage at being directed at them. Nay, better to say a little blessing for the trucker and go on my merry way. All parties will be better off because of it.
But how much further down McNab Road did I have to go before I encountered yet another truck driver making disturbing maneuvers, causing havoc to the traffic flow around. This rig was nearly blocking all three lanes of traffic, as McNab Road widens at Powerline, attempting to back into a side road and having very little success at it.
Not having learned anything, I pressed my horn for a solid two seconds as I passed him in the only free lane on the road, hoping by that this one feel the full sting of my fury.
I soon counted my blessings—as I looked in my rearview mirror, I discerned that this new truck had now obstructed all available space, leaving all the remaining traffic, including my first truck driver, at a standstill.
Through no action of my own, justice was served
Posted by Bastique at 10:00 PM | Comments (0)
June 20, 2006
Holiday in the Park
I am astonished by the great many cityfolk out here at Golden Gate Park on Memorial Day. Looking around we can see groups of people sunning, listening to music, playing games—and I wonder how come we can't find anything of the sort in South Florida.
Me standing in front of Golden Gate Park's
Conservatory of Flowers on Memorial Day.There are feelings that I can't adequately convey with simple words, and yet pictures don't accurately portray the sense of being there. I'm having a feeling as if I'm a part of a greater community, a larger event, part of something more than just myself!
Unlike in South Florida, where "community" seems to be only a word—a member of a larger part of lost language related to courtesies and little acknowledgements of one another's existence. Here in Golden Gate Park, or anywhere in this city, I can make eye contact with human beings around me, and share these life experiences that are meant to be shared.
It is a wonderful thing to be acknowledged by a stranger, to have someone notice your legs are tired and you need to take a break from standing. So many folk are victims of isolation, sometimes due to illness or lack of mobility but usually self-imposed. Acknowledgement is a way of being valued, not by what someone can earn from us but by simple virtue of our existence. I see it in San Francisco's subways and trains, on the street. A smile. A "hello". Perhaps a wink from time to time.
I reflect with a bit of melancholy. O, my journey has just begun and already I loathe the return to my humdrum home. This City of Gold—this San Francisco—I am enraptured!
Posted by Bastique at 9:00 PM | Comments (0)
June 19, 2006
Benches
A bench at the National AIDS Memorial Grove
Before Mike and I leave the National AIDS Memorial Grove, we take a moment to seat ourselves at one of the numerous benches located throughout the Grove.
Few are occupied by actual living people—nearly all of them stay empty. But are the benches truly here for the living or are they quiet reminders of those whom we have lost in this grave epidemic.
Don't take my words to mean that there aren't people here at the Grove—this could not be further from the truth. The Memorial Grove is hardly forgotten and looking at the well-groomed grounds around us one can see that it is greatly cared for. I believe that San Francisco is a city that cares for its fallen family, even as the rest of the nation puts the AIDS/HIV crisis firmly in our past.
Benches are resting places, and most people respect the space around these benches as being occupied, whether or not we can see the occupants. A bench is only a place of rest; they are not meant to be inhabited for an extended period of time.
The journey continues for each and every soul, whether they be present in the grove in life or memorialized in death.
As well, for Mike and I…the journey goes on.
Posted by Bastique at 9:24 PM | Comments (2)
June 17, 2006
Absence
Newly planted Japanese maple
at the National AIDS Memorial Grove
I recognized Falcon Studios as my favorite porn provider in olden days
If you're quiet, you can almost hear them, among the trees, cruising...
Shhhhhhh... keep your voice down. You don't want to disturb them.
Posted by Bastique at 3:31 PM | Comments (0)
June 14, 2006
Michael H.'s Birthday
This was a Dale Chiluhy piece I photographed at Fairchild Gardens a few weeks back. I thought it appropriately celebratory.
. I've got that addresses autoforwarding to him now.
Posted by Bastique at 5:38 PM | Comments (0)
June 13, 2006
Names
The AIDS Memorial Grove had a large
list of namesHere in the National AIDS Memorial Grove, a great number of people have contributed to making this a living memorial to those that have and continue to lose their lives to this dreadful virus. The great center circle, containing a large quantity of names, is but a small fraction of a small part of San Franciscans and other Americans whose lives have been touched by this disease.
The Circle of Friends at the National AIDS Memorial Grove
A portion of the list of names
Healing and Hope speak volumes at the National AIDS Memorial Grove
What is a Memorial? A landmark or notation of someone who has been lost, to commemorate their passing. Statues, fountains, sometimes arches are all frequent memorial devices. How fitting that this memorial be a constant and ever growing one? It continues to commemmorate.
There is no lack of space at the grove to add new names.
Tulips left perhaps in memory of some lost loved one or ones at the Circle of Friends.
Posted by Bastique at 9:48 PM | Comments (1)
June 11, 2006
Memorial Day
Me at the AIDS Memorial GroveThis particular journey needs a few moments to pause and reflect on the past, to memorialize all of those who have not made it this far, and to remind ourselves that this journey would not have been possible were it not for the sacrifices that others have made along the way.
Mike and I find ourselves at the National AIDS Memorial Grove by sheer chance. We have met some bears of men (Michael and Todd) in the Castro, who have some free time and have asked if we wanted to see some sights. Mike has mentioned that he wants to show me Twin Peaks and the view of the city from there. Seeming the opportune moment, the gentlebers kindly drove us to the top, where I took the photopgraph of the Golden Gate Bridge in the Distance as well as a number of other panoramas of the city.
When we are asked where next we want to go next, Mike replied, to Golden Gate Park, San Francisco's huge and sprawling central park, where we can find the time to write and meditate.
The bears have dropped us off right at the entrance of the AIDS Memorial Grove. Mike, in all his time living in San Francisco, has never heard of this place. I remember reading of it once, but the memory hadn't been great enough to mention to Mike about visiting it on this journey.
It was as if God has reached down and with her loving hands placed us here. We spend next couple of hours in silence, soaking in the memories of passed and living souls who are even now making this Grove into this Memorial.
Posted by Bastique at 1:42 PM | Comments (1)
June 10, 2006
Golden Gate Bridge in the Distance
Looking out at the Golden Gate Bridge
from Twin PeaksIt is a clear day here in San Francisco, this last Monday in May, and in the distance, Mike and I capture the first sight of a bridge whose appearance I recognize immediately. This bridge take on a living quality of its own in my eyes before the journey is concluded, but now it is simply the Golden Gate Bridge, who spans a length of water dividing peaceful Bay from tumultuous Ocean. It is small from this vantage—I'm not yet aware of its true size.
We will not cross that bridge today, but I know that it ever present before us on this journey. As well known as the bridge is, I like to think it might possibly even symbolically represent a Golden Gate to some new understanding. For the moment, it is far ahead of us. We have a long way to travel before we discover whether it is simply a bridge or something substantially more fantastic.
Posted by Bastique at 12:41 PM | Comments (4)
June 9, 2006
The Letter to Robert Boyd
Here I am, writing a note to Robert Boyd
at the 25 years of AIDS Memorial.As I embark on this journey, I remember the names of the three men that I carry along with me. Not Barry, whose death I mourned two years ago, but the ghosts that remain with me.
This note was written to Robert Boyd, who just "up and" died of a heart attack one afternoon in 2004, stays with me because of the constant influence he continues to exert over my life. Robert, who never could stand a serious moment with me, used me as a party partner; and when the party was over, we stayed apart. I had a great difficulty respecting him later on in our relationship--I would put him up to unrealistic expectations and be disappointed in him when he failed me. I resented the lack of communication between us after our last falling out about a borrowed piece of equipment. I felt like everything we experienced was inconsequential to him when he did not take the time to try to mend fences.
This note I wrote was to let him know that it didn't matter now.
Robert, I know you've put people in my life like Jeff, and sent me messages to let me know you're still around and that I really did matter to you. This note was a humor, hastily written, and I hope that someone else who knew you will read it and smile, knowing the truth hidden behind the words. I release all my own anger and frustration to you now, and remember you with the kindness and love that you always let show, by being there when it was needed—and by not being there when that was the important thing as well.
Posted by Bastique at 6:56 PM | Comments (0)
June 8, 2006
25 Years of AIDS
Castro and 18th, 25 Years of AIDSThe journey begins here at the corner of Castro and 18th Street in the heart of San Francisco's very notorious Castro District. It was here that Mike and I found a curious display, made in commemoration of 25 Years of AIDS.
Using clothespins as well as other various devices, notes to deceased loved ones were penned and fastened lovingly along strands of strings, intersperced with other elements like purple paper irises and ribbons and a large placard explaining the upcoming anniversary. It was heart-tugging, and brought me back to the days of when I gave a damn.
Posted by Bastique at 11:09 PM | Comments (0)
June 7, 2006
Me in the heart of it
Me on Castro Street.And no introduction into the San Francisco story would be complete without a photograph of me, taken right on the very Castro Street. Now imagine me, this city, several years ago. I'm honestly glad to have had the opportunity to come to San Francisco today. It's everything I've ever read
Posted by Bastique at 11:14 PM | Comments (1)
Cohort in photography
Mike, my cohort in photographyAnd at long last, here is the man with whom I traveled to San Francisco. Mike is his name. No, not Michael, who I love dearly. Although they have the same name, I refer to this one as Mike. Hopefully it will help prevent me from confusing the two.
Posted by Bastique at 6:12 PM | Comments (0)
Post-San Francisco let-down.
Rainbow Steps on Castro Street in San Fransisco.I'm back from my wonderful 10-day vacation in San Francisco. There is so much that I cannot simply say in one post—I cannot convey the difference being there makes to me, in many ways, but first and foremost the hope that a better life exists than the one I'm in. I didn't realize how much I hated Florida. I shall try to post as much as I can, in pictures as well as other ways.
I think everyone needs to visit San Francisco some day.
Posted by Bastique at 5:34 PM | Comments (0)